Shyambajuz: Harder, Browner, Faster, Stronger

Now that Shyam knows about www.shyambajuz.com (not affiliated with Shyam P.), what next?  I ask you, fellow guilty parties, where do we go from here?

Welcome to Shyambajuz 2.0…

Welcome to the future!

or was it the past… I can’t remember… anyways YOU’VE BEEN SHYAMROLLED BABY!!!

Note: Content supplied by Karli, editted by Jon

Pornstar since the tender age of 12… oh wait.. you’re saying that was last week.. doh!

Jabba says: neekaa chee daww wannaa SOLO HO HO HO HO HO

Who is that stunningly attractive asian man in the back ground… I’m not sure… but he smells like he’s from Oregon.

Shyam, SIT STILL!

Mr. Kunishima.. I’m sorry.. you can blame your daughters.

But.. YOU WORK THAT BATHROBE!

Hahaha I want to party with that guy over there!

Shyam Imposter

So Shyam Patel is super human or whatever, but did you know he has a weakness?  If you want to see Shyam’s eyes light up, utter the phrase “crack mocha*” and see what happens.

No really, try it.

Done?

Okay, so did he start drooling instantaneously?  Also did you note his swift move towards Cafe Strada or the Free Speech Movement Cafe?

Good.

I’m not sure if Shyam coined the term himself, but really the origin is unimportant because I just handed you the key to his caffeine adoring heart.

Say it once more, with feeling, “crack mocha.”

The end.

Other Shyam kryptonite includes: Jill K., chocolate, Cal football, and Obama

*Crack Mocha= luscious, creamy, fatty white chocolate infused hot mocha….mmmmmmmmm

Dear Shyam,

We like it when you come over to play Rock Band. In fact, we feel empty because you never come play the instruments. And maybe you’re not happy with the songs that we had to offer and we’re sorry, but we did the best we could. To make up for this, we created Rock Band 2! We think that you will be quite fond of this most recent offering. Here is a list that you can check out : Rock Band 2 Song List

We miss Shyam! That’s the bottom line.

-Children of Rock Band

champion-of-my-heart

From Sarah Payne, with hate.

So far, freshman WR Shyam Patel has been a game changer at kick return and very effective out of Texas’ 5 WR sets. After 5 games, Patel has 9 returns for 276 yards and 7 receptions for 118 yds. Unfortunately, on the third attempt, Patel had a rough introduction to what NCAA football is all about.

Wisconsin’s kick return team jarred the ball loose resulting in a fumble that was returned for a touchdown.

Some days the you get the badger; other days, the badger gets you. Patel learned this the hard way.

Stay tuned for Patel’s performance during bowl season ….

At 5′10″,  175-lbs (for the media guide, so subtract an inch and few pounds), the left-handed Shyam Patel is a redshirt freshman wide receiver from Torrance, CA. In effort to see more of the country, he decided to pursue a football scholarship outside his native California.  On a friend’s recommendation, he chose to check the scene in Austin, TX and immediately fell in love. With the nations finest teams courting the uber-speedy and agile Patel, he was an instant fan favorite among the Longhorns. Best of all, Patel offered to bring water to the Longhorn junior punter during every practice so that he could wear #14. As we know, 14 is a significant number for Patel.

Look for Patel to make his biggest impact on kick returns and in the back-up slot position. Patel will be on 2nd team and is expected to receive 20-25% of the snaps - quite a remarkable feat for a freshman, even for the talented Patel.  Here is Patel during spring practice. Though Patel likes to add an element of theatrics to his catches as shown below, his ability to separate and find the ball is elite.

We look forward to tracking Patel’s progress in the coming weeks.   Yes, there will be more to come ….

1. One must wear a proper lab coat that hasn’t been washed since last year. This protects your fashionable clothes from toxic chemicals and other contaminants. Note that the coat need not be buttoned.

2. Gloves are a protection against contamination of precious samples… and also provide an extra layer of protection for your delicate skin against possible accidents.

3. Remember that authorized user access to the laboratory is enforced on a 24 hour basis. Any suspicious persons entering the laboratory without proper ID will be subject to harassment by random (fat and angry) security personnel. Note that unfettered use of gloves on door handles is totally acceptable.

4. Before starting any work with cells or animal tissue, please remember to spray down your gloves with 70% ethanol. Proper spraying technique is required.

5. Two essential steps for collection of your cells or sample with the centrifuge:

(1) Please balance your sample with a random tube of unidentified liquid that is laying around the lab.

(2) A prayer before starting the centrifuge is required to ensure proper spinning of the centrifuge. If the centrifuge faults anyway, you may try a curse instead. Results not guaranteed either way.

Follow the Shyambajuz Laboratory Safety Guide and your experiments are guaranteed to succeed!